For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
