I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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