I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize