Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
