Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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