That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Acid is not a monday night drug
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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