I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
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