I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
