omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
