I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
