isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
