Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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