i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
