U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
