I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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