Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He called his prostate his "boner button".
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize