I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
