Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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