a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
