I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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