I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
