Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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