Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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