I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I believe in your delicious
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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