you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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