I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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