somebody snuck up and got me drunk
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
im holly from the hills drunk
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize