you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
