He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
