I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
