i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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