i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
