you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
