so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
