My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
