he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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