The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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