Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
