There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
