called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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