I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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