he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
