if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
3pm strippers are depressing
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
