the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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