I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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