If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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