When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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