Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm bleeding and have questions
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
