I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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