Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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