So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize