well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
