He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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