im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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