These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
