her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
