oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
soo... how was my night?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
