I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
