i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
