what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You have to summon your inner elephant
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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