just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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