did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
