It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
