someone threw a dead crab at me
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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