The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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