I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
