he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
