Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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