Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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