If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
