Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
