woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
