he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
