You were right. It hurts to walk today.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
