The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
