yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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