I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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