He is such a slut. More and more my type.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
